Mixed feelings

I wasn't so sure what should i do to get the old fun and happiness back again in my life .. I am happy but in a splits seconds these weird feelings came into my mind and soul where it is all mixed up and all of sudden it changed into a sadness and sorrows .. I even think that what will happen to me if things doesn't change .. Then the sorrow comes again and make me feels that i'm tired of all this crap .. Deep down inside of me .. I am not happy !! Cant you see ?? I'm tired !! Cant you realize ?? That i cant take it anymore ... Even if i accidentally hurt myself .. You don't even comfort me .. All u do is NOTHING.. Keep on playing games on ur phone .. And when i said something about it after trying to get your attention but then I've failed, then only you came to me "trying" to comfort me with such words "you the one who suddenly hit yourself" while rubbing my head .. Its not comforting !! Its .. Its ... Agggghhhh !!

Im done ... Even if i ask a questions trying to convince myself that he still love me , what he replied was " are u crazy?" And started to get angry and glance his eyes to me .. 

Even when i'm with him, i'm right next to him, trying to get attention, all he dis was watching you tube and after he's done doing it, he went out to his friends .. What the hell ?? I'm i invisible ?? 

And nowadays i realize that there is lots of things that he didn't share with me .. His trying to keep distance from me like there is something he's trying to hide away from me ... 

Even if we are out to the mall, he didn't even hold my hand anymore .. I'm the one who have to make a move first and the most hurtful things is when we are trying to cross over the road .. He left me behind and walk with his friends ... 

And when i said something about it.. He replied " lahh .. With some sort of angry face while looking at me" 

Don't u realize that my heart is going to burst into pieces now ?? 

Sometimes i think alone by myself .. Is it because i'm fat now ? Is it because he ashamed being with me cause of all his friends said that i'm getting bigger ?is it because of my figure ?? 

That's it .. I'm going back home .. All he cares about is his phone.. His life .. His everything .. Not me .. 

I'm tired full stop .